Joe Fernandes

its been 3 years since you passed away and a lot has happened since then i am sure you know all about it watching from heaven and taking care of all your beloved to which Anne-Marie and i were a part for which we are eternally grateful, you have never left us the memory of you here is as strong and vivid as if you were still here with us, Jyo you were loved very much by the d'mello family Joanna Johann Anna and me and tikko who is now in heaven with you thank you our dear sweet jyo your pure spirit continues to live with us and we accept with joy and love all that you continue to give us thank you dear jyo although you have gone you are very much here with us Jojo and anna

Here's the eulogy I read for the funeral. My mom said I should post it here. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and touching, heartwarming comments about my father. Here's the eulogy: "Thanks to all for coming – it's beautiful to see so many that have come to honour the life of my father, to share in our grief, and wish his soul safe passage. I'll start with some basic facts. Joseph Bernard Fernandes was born in Bombay in 1948, the first and only son of Hilda and Kevin Fernandes, and the only brother to five sister. He went to boarding school in Mount Abu in Rajastan at the age of 7. If you think that's too young an age to be sent to boarding school, he would vocally agree with you - Still, I think it formed in him a strength and resilience that stayed with him the rest of his life. In 1974 he moved to Dubai, where he met a beautiful young woman, who was looking for, quote “a clean shaven man who could dance.” Even so, their connection must have formed a love more profound that those details. They got married back in India and returned to Dubai to start a family – My older sister Priya, then me, then my younger brother Sunil, then Luke and Kari much later. My dad worked hard – he took care of us, he loved us, he took our family to different places. He also wanted to give us a better life, in a place of more opportunity. He visited and scoped out Australia and Canada, eventually settling on Canada, and BC in particular, where we moved in 1993 and he lived the rest of his life. I cannot overstate how thankful I am for this move– not only because I think it would have been ridiculous to imagine myself trying to talk with an Australian accent – but because he did give us all a better life here. Moving us here took great courage, faith, and sacrifice. And if things weren't exciting and unstable enough, soon after the move, we were welcoming a new addition to the family, the only Canadian-born of my siblings, my little sister Kari. We grew up here, my father again, taking care of us, loving us, allowing us to grow into ourselves and follow our own winding paths. He didn't force or push us, but gave us the space to figure things out. To speak personally, I didn't do the best with this - being the weird, aimless, artist-type. I'm glad I got to apologize to him, beside his bedside just over a month ago – for all the years of worry. I didn't take a path that he might have considered ideal or profitable - but I am grateful to him for the strength and drive, that I know I got from him, that I've put towards my creative work. Of course, the clearest way I've been able to see and love my father, is through becoming a father myself. It's strange, the gift a child gives you, right from birth – a child looks you in the eye and says – what you are doing for me, your father did for you, the love you pour into me, was poured into you, the way you struggle, your father struggled too. I don't know why I couldn't see it so purely before. But I'm immensely grateful now, especially for the years I can't possible remember. Somehow, becoming a father also helped me understand my father as a person – human and complex, and with his own interests and passions. He liked working with his hands, with wood especially - and he put his energy and skills into working on our home in Tsawwassen. He loved being out in nature – I'm especially thankful that he took us out camping in Dubai, where there were no campgrounds and we would just drive out into the hills or long empty beaches and just set up our tents. And he appreciated being outdoors in quieter ways too over here – I've been thinking of him walking our sweet dog Yola at Boundary Bay in the early morning, before most of us were awake. At our big and rollicking family parties, he was a strong quiet presence, friendly and warm, but not afraid to wield his intelligence and argue firely and passionately – I won't mention with who – but I'm sure they all remember. What else - He loved reading. He loved good rock n' roll from the 60s and 70s. And one of the few things my mom said to make sure I say in this eulogy – he loved her homemade pound cake – with ice cream, of course. Pa was a rational man. In many ways he approached the world with logic and reason. But at some point one, cannot stay there - the soul has an urge to transcend the rational, to search deep into the mystery beyond the machinery of our days, into something holy and profound. I think this represented the last chapter of his life; his deeper relationship with God – something that he explored together with my Mum. And it was beautiful to witness how it drew them closer to each other, bathed in the presence of something bigger than themselves. I feel it was a a source of strength and comfort and a powerful guide for both of them as they struggled with his cancer. It was also beautiful to see this energy come from those around him – through the many friends and family that visited him at his hospital bed. I saw grace, mercy, and love, moving through their hands and words. Not just in prayer, but in practical kindness, which I think is a kind of prayer. And so, I want to thank so many of you for your kindness and care, especially over the last few months. I'd also gently encourage you to keep it going – especially for my mum, who is a strong woman, but who is facing an enormous loss now, and she'll need the strength of the community around her. I'd also like to send love out to our family in India and other parts of the world, who would want to be here, I'm sure, and who are grieving in deep ways, as well. My dad never wanted a lot of attention – this eulogy is probably going overboard – but I think he would be glad to see, how much he has brought his family and friends closer together, within a deeper binding love. I wish I had filled this with funny stories, but I'm not a storyteller – you have them, and we'll hear about them in the days ahead. As a poet, I'm more into the small moments. When I think of my father, one of the moments I'll come back to, is that one after coming home from parties – It's late, I'm 5 or 6 years old, asleep in the backseat, and when we reach home, I feel him pick me up in his arms and carry me into the house. And of course, many times, I would not be asleep, just pretending, just so I could be carried by him."

Dear Faye and family It was with great sadness to hear of Joe's passing. Our deepest condolences to you all. We remember Joe and all the family with great affection during our time with Danway in Dubai in the early 1980s, and time spent with you in Canada 9 years ago. We spent 4 wonderful days in your home, catching up and remembering times in Dubai. Joe took time off work to show us Vancouver and area, and we will always remember the generous hospitality shown. You are all truly blessed to have had such a wonderful husband, father and grandfather and we know that his passing is a great loss for you all.

Life is delicate and precious, Joe understood this and lived it. Heaven has gained a good one, sadly we have for our brief time here lost one. Joe was a humble and gracious leader who upheld the truth. He may never have known or meant for the consequences of his actions to have a profound impact on many peoples lives including my own, my wife, my kids and many more to come. We were very blessed to have Joe in our life. Uncle Joe will be dearly missed but we have a confidence of seeing him again.

Joe will always be one of my favourite people. I know that may sound disingenuous, but I mean it. Joe made me listen. He is so intelligent but mixes it with this incredible humility. It blew me away that there was this person who could simultaneously blow my mind and humble me, without demeaning me. I guess what I am trying to say is that Joe taught me what it means to be proud without being arrogant. What it means to love yourself without making others less confident in themselves. Learning to have humility and pride at the same time is a very unique skill. So, as much as I love him for a million things, I don't think anyone could have taught me that like Joe, and for that I will always be grateful.

To the Fernandes family - It was a pleasure having Joe as our neighbor - he will be missed. It is a very hard loss for your family - and many share your sorrow - Bonnie and Don

Dear Faye The Lord blessed you with Joe for a wonderful husband and father of your 5 beautiful children. My deepest sympathies to all of you. May our Lord be your strength and comfort.

Rene and I would like to convey our deepest condolences to you and your family. Joe was such a lovely man. We are saddened to hear of his passing. We wished we had more time to get to spend with him, getting to know him better and making lots of happy memories (especially on Karaoke - he had such a good voice. We would have loved to have more nights like that). He was such a good sport and we will remember our time with him fondly. I hope you will find comfort in your network of strong, loving and caring family and friends who are here for you to help you get through this time. Hugs

When I think about Papa I think of the amazing grandfather who was a privilege to be with. When I think about Papa I think about the many hikes we did together and about the long walks on the beach we did every morning when I visited. When I think about Papa I think about the stories He told me. When I think about Papa I think about when we sat down to watch hockey. When I think about Papa I think about the excitement I had looking forward to visiting him and the sadness I had saying goodbye. When I think about papa I think about the fun we had watching birds at the bird sanctuary. We will miss him but we should be happy for all that he experienced like living with a beautiful loving wife, watching his children and grandchildren grow. Which reminds me of a quote from Dr. Suess: "Do not cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened-" Dr.Suess

"Remembering your Dad, the things that he did to show he cared. The sound of his voice. The wisdom he shared. A piece of advice you'll never forget. The way that he lived, examples he set. The work he put in to doing the things well. The places he'd been. The stories he'd tell. This greatest success that he was proud of. His hobbies, his passions, his laughter, his love. When you think of your dad and everything that made him, the man he was, his memory lives on through you".

Dear Faye and Family, Heartfelt condolences to you all and praying that you all find the strength to bear the loss of Joe’s physical presence in your lives. Joe’s dynamism, his passion towards his beliefs, his straightforwardness, his handsome self and his beautiful smile will be missed by us. May God grant his soul eternal peace. You now have a special guardian angel to call your very own. Take care you all and be the strength of each other.

Dear Faye,Priya,Raoul,Sunil,Luke and Kari, Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time when we are overcome with such sadness at the news of the loss of our dear cousin Joe.He was such a wonderful and loving person and taken away so quickly. May God bless and look after you all and give you the strength in the days ahead.Lots of love and prayers, AuntyYvonne,Deanne,Jude, Gabrielle and Eloise.

Dearest Faye, I have only the warmest memories of you, Joe and our children together in Dubai..........and these I will cherish forever. I am so sad for what Joe had to suffer, and for your great loss. I send you all my love and sympathies.

Our Dearest Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, Our sincere condolences at the loss of your beloved husband and father, Joe. Whilst Joe's loss is inconsolable, try to take solace in the wonderful memories and times spent together which will keep Joe in your hearts... We offer our prayers for today and to the Lord to keep you all strong in this time of need. May God Bless all the family and dear friends, Much love Norma, Shirley, Chris, Gerard and all the family. May Joe rest in peace. xxx

Faye... My deepest sympathies go out to you and your whole family at the loss of your much-loved husband/father. May peace and comfort find you all during this very difficult time. xo

Please accept our sincere sympathies and prayers during this difficult time. Only time will heal but Joe has left us all some great memories that we will always cherish and remember. As a very close family friend always admired Joe for his humble and loving ways. We will miss you and know you will still continue watching over our dearest Faye, kids,grandchildren,your nearest and dearest family. Blessings always.

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari: We are very sorry to learn of Joe's passing, but grateful to have known him. We will remember Joe's generosity, integrity and wonderful sense of humor! His positive, open attitude helped brighten dark winter days. The sparks in his eyes full of life and love remain in our hearts. Much love, Vicki and Ivan

My deepest condolences go to Faye and all their children, and their families. May God bless you all, and may Joe continue to have God's blessings and Rest in Peace.

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari - When we think of Joe, we recall a man who was incredibly intelligent and compassionate. Not a fan of table hockey, but always up for a potluck or BBQ, maybe some Pictionary or charades (battle of the sexes on that one!). There are so many things you will miss about him, but we hope the gifts he gave you will always stay with you, especially as you go through this time of loss. Our love and support are with you, along with that of the many who surround you in prayer and friendship.

My deepest condolences Faye. May you find strength and comfort with your family at this extremely difficult time. My heart goes out to you. Ally Nicholson Xoxo

All I can say, is how very sorry we are for your loss. He was a wonderful person and friend, to all of us. He has a great wife and children who are loving, caring, individual thinking adults. What a wonderful legacy he has left. If anything we can do, let us know. Love, Dennis and Sandy Uphill xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Dearest Faye and Family, our thoughts and prayers are with you. He will be missed very much and will always be in our hearts. He is an inspiration to us all. Sending you our deepest condolences and wishing you strength and love at this time. Rest in peace Joe.

FAYE, OVER THE YEARS, WE'VE REALLY COME TO LOVE AND ADMIRE BOTH YOU AND JOE. IN FACT, WE ALWAYS LOOKED FORWARD TO YOUR VISITS. THE TWO OF YOU WERE LIKE THE PERFECT COUPLE, BOTH WITH BEAUTIFUL SMILES AND GENTLE WAYS. WE WILL SURELY MISS JOE'S SMILING FACE WHICH WE WILL NOW SEE IN YOURS. PLEASE ACCEPT OUR CONDOLENCES AND WE WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU, JOE, PRIYA, RAOUL, SUNIL, LUKE AND KARI IN OUR PRAYERS. LOVE TO YOU ALL.

My deepest condolences to the Fernandes family. Joe was such an integral part of the Beach Grove Elementary School community, and the neighborhood. It was a pleasure to get to know Joe through the PAC, and in later years, I enjoyed running into Joe on the dyke when we were walking our dogs. He was a wonderful person and his loss will leave a hole in the fabric of Beach Grove.

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, Please accept our heart-felt condolences at the loss of your beloved husband and father. We will miss Joe's smile, his thoughtful presence, his intellect and his gentle teasing humor. We admired and respected Joe's giving nature whether it was to the school, to the community or an individual. Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. - Albert Schweitzer -Nobel Prize Winner. Frances, Jack, Erin and Trevor

Dear Auntie Faye, Kari, Luke, Sunil, Raoul, and Priya, Please accept our condolences at this very sad time. Uncle Joe was such a kind, loving person, caring God father, and we have had so many wonderful childhood memories growing up in Dubai and the fun times we spent together during my visits to Vancouver (or the past few years in the case of Jurgis). He continues to live on in our minds. Wishing you strength and love from those around you over the coming days and years to come! Natalia and Jurgis

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, We are all so very sorry to hear about Joe/your wonderful Dad's passing. He will be missed so much. What a loving man, so gentle and kind. We remember with fondness those Beach Grove Elementary school day's, driving to field trips and being at all those Sports day's with Kari and Sarah. All the neighbourhood get togethers with good friends. We have know each other for a long time and we will always keep him close to our hearts and in our minds.

DEAR FAYE AND FAMILY, WE ARE SO SADDENED BY THE PASSING OF JOE. HE WAS SUCH A WONDERFUL, GIVING MAN. THE TWO OF YOU WERE AN INSPIRATION TO ALL OF US, SHOWING US HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE A PEACEFUL MARRIED LIFE. YOUR STRONG FAITH HAS BROUGHT YOU THROUGH THIS AND IT WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH IN THE DAYS AND YEARS AHEAD. IT HAS BEEN AN HONOUR TO KNOW HIM. LOVE BLAKE AND HELEN

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, our hearts go out to you in your great loss. Our family, and indeed our whole community, was so privileged to have Joe in our lives. Above all, he was a wonderful husband and father, and was also so generous with his time and talents and showed kindness and calmness in everything he did. He will be remembered with fondness and gratitude by so many. Rest in peace Joe.

Dear Faye and family, met Joe and you in 1978, both kind , loving and you both embraced me with open arms. Memories of Dubai with you all remain precious. May god shower all his love and give you and the family strength , to bear this irreplaceable loss. Eternal peace joe

My heartfelt condolences go to Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke, Kari, and all their families. Joe was always so willing to help others, individually, and in the parish programs. He and Faye helped me and my children through our difficult times. We will always remember your kindness to us. Rest in Peace, Joe. We shall all miss you a lot.

Dear Faye and the family, Please accept our deepest sympathies and prayers for our dear cousin Joe. He will always be remembered for his smiling face and gentle disposition. God Bless

Dear Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari: We will miss Joe so very, very much. But we will always treasure our time together over the years: dinner parties, fundraisers, dances, sporting events and more. Joe always shared his wisdom and had a kind word. He knew he was loved by so many. We were privileged to know Joe.

Joe and Faye are old friends of mine from Dubai, and I was always very happy to stay in touch with them, albeit from afar. My heart is broken that I won't hear Joes' voice or see his bearded face no more. All the more so, because we got a chance to meet recently in Mumbai, & walked Bandstand talking non-stop as we tried to play catch up. Joe recently had dental work done in Mumbai, so, I'm sure when he smiles at God, He's going to be thrilled to bits. ( That was a light hearted, irreverant statement, so I hope it's taken as such ). I'm going to miss you, Joe. God bless you. You've left behind a grand legacy in your family and children. Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke, & Kari. My deepest condolences & warmest love.

Dearest Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, We send you our deepest sympathies and love. We have shared so many precious memories together of our two families growing up in Dubai. All the birthday parties, Christmas celebrations and much more. Joe will always be in our hearts and we will be praying for your strength and healing through this difficult time. Joe was an amazing man and we will miss him always. With love always, Aubrey, Kanan, Tanya, Angelina, Neil, Nisha, Boomer and Norah

Dear Faye, our deepest condolences to you and your family. I have only know you a very short time, but in that time I have come to admire you both. So willing to help out around our complex and Joe helping out on our Maintenance. Cancer is a cruel disease. May you rest in peace Joe. Agnes Kerins & Bruce Towsley

I will remember Joe for his openness and passion in helping others. His “big love” for Faye is worthy of envy. His family was his priority. We are born into this world with a purpose. Joe had the wisdom to know and accomplish his life’s purpose. Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari – you were BLESSED to have been loved by a great man. God has all of you in the palm of his hands. Angels are encamped around you.

My dear friends Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, my thoughts and prayers are with each of you as I carry Joe's smile and lovely stories in my heart now. I feel blessed that I got to know him better and was given the gift of absolutely memorable visits with him recently. May the angels guide him to heaven safely and may he ALWAYS rest in peace! I added a little extra request with my folks to ensure that Joe will always be kept smiling -- pretty sure my mama will be alllllllllll over that one, isn't Faye? I pray that healing with come quickly and be felt deeeeeply for each of you, as there are no words – only shoulders to lean on, hands to hold onto and hugs to comfort the best they can. I am always here for all of you, so please don’t ever forget that! God bless always and please accept my deeeeepest condolences. Bea

Dearest Faye, Priya, Raoul, Sunil, Luke and Kari, I would like to start out by saying that I am so sorry for your loss. I love Joe with all my heart and had the utmost respect for him. You could not have said it any better when you said the he had a deep love for his family. It was not only his immediate family but everyone around him. I cannot express my gratitude for how you Faye and Joe were there for my mom. I would like to say that I am a better person from learning and being around Joe and I will love him always. Sincerely, Stefan

We are going to miss our beloved Joe so much. He was a genuine, kind, generous man and a consummate volunteer. If ever he was asked to help with anything he was always willing. He was the guy patrolling at the school on Halloween night to keep it safe, flipping burgers on the BBQ at the school fundraiser, helping with BC Guide Dogs fundraisers, the list is endless...we love you Joe. You’ve left a gaping hole in our lives. Rest In Peace.

We are so sorry that we did not see Joe in the recent past but glad we had a chat on the phone. We will always remember Joe with warmth and love in our hearts. Faye we share your sorrow and feel your loss. I am sure having your children around will comfort you for now but you will miss him terribly. It has been a crazy year and like you must be asking, we are asking "Why Joe?". We have had many good times together and will always cherish them. We are there for you dearest Faye. Please accept our heartfelt condolences. With love and affection. Mario & Ramani, Dinelli & Tanya and families.

Dearest dearest Faye, We miss Joe terribly,but you are so much a part if him and him of you that we see him when you smile.You and Joe together have warmed our hearts over all these years.Joe will always be in our hearts.We are here for you Faye.Love you very much.Always, Lyg and Adrian.

Please accept our deepest condolences on your loss. It is truly a great loss and we will miss him tremendously. He is definitely in a better place now and no doubt looking and blessing you all. May Joe's soul rest in peace - AMEN

Dear Faye and Family The word I would use to describe Joe, whom I worked with in the Pro Life movement for more than 20 years, is “Gentle”. Always a calm and smooth spirit surrounded Joe. He listened intently to conversation and when he spoke we listened because he had always thought things through. I need to let you all know that Joe truly inspired and motivated me in my work. If Joe said yes to something you knew it was going to get done. (No one ever took selling those awful Christmas cakes more seriously than Joe.) I would describe my friend as having an undying respect for family and faith. I pray a blessing on Faye and the entire family as you move on without your rock of a man in your household.

❤️❤️I want to pay tribute to my Uncle Jo who passed away today from battling cancer , taken away from us way to early !!!!!!!❤️❤️ Uncle Jo I never got to see you when I left Canada , and I never got to thankyou for looking after me all that time , you and Aunty Faye took me in your own home when everything around me was falling apart and I had no family .You protected me and I wouldn’t be we’re I am if it wasn’t for you and Aunty Faye standing around me ❤️❤️ You meant so much to all of us You were special and that's no lie I would give absolutely anything have you well and standing near Not a day passes right now When you're not in my mind Your love as an uncle I will never forget Many tears i have cried and frustrations but I know that you are happy now And no longer in any pain. You are Safe now and all pain gone!!!! We are all broken hearted but we rejoice cos u are safe , pain free and in the arms of Jesus ❤️❤️I love you ❤️❤️ ❤️❤️will never be forgotten ❤️❤️

being far away We just met once in life But more than you and your beautiful wife was the strongest. Its hard at times when we think why us and others that do bad still living. But perhaps god has a lot beautiful place for u up there a place called heaven. I miss my parents a lot BT I'm sure mum Ivone will keep in touch with u there. Its hard .....that the slightest hope we think is life.....but its like a game: stage one and its over to the next stage two the eternity. We will all miss you loads....because its hard for us all n mostly ur fly to live without u. BT u have been the bravest to look after your beautiful fly and ur loving wife, Faye. I hardly know you but your heart is the sweetest place I know..for all the trust and help you have blindly rendered us. God will bless u and your family always. May your soul rest in peace and perpetual light shine upon u. You'll be the angel guiding and guarding your family. My heartfelt sympathies to A.Faye, Priya and the entire fly. * sometimes its soo strange Wen we r here we do not realise Besides of all d bad times for instance. Lies a beautiful time called past we don't have the eyes. Memories that will never fade Of your love and togetherness Till someday we all have to go there holding hands A life truly to have learnt and cherish forever and worth wishes. So little star up in d sky Always shine the brightest and never say goodbye.

I first met Joe when I was a teenager, back in 1994. He was always kind to me and treated me like one of his own. Over the years I came to admire him and his wife for the love and strength they had in marriage and as parents, to raise 5 wonderful children - all of whom have grown into adults of paralleled integrity. The Fernandes family are all beautiful people, inside and out with amazingly loving spirits. They have always been welcoming, generous in their kindness and accepting. It saddens me that they have lost their dear father. Joe was an amazing man, and I am blessed to have known him and been a part of his family. Rest In Peace for all eternity Joe.

I was blessed and priveleged to have known Joe. He was a man of faith, love, and integrity. He gave of himself selflessly and generously. More importantly, he did so in the most unassuming and humble way. I was greatly blessed to be the beneficiary of his love and generosity whenever I needed- rides to visit the sick, organizing the carol singing for the migrant workers, taking food to the needy and more. I am grateful for all the time and opportunity i got to spend with him during the months of his battle with cancer. His faith in God, his selfless concern for his family and his smile through all the moments of pain were an inspiration. I will miss you Joe. You fought a good fight, ran a good race and now enjoy the reward He has promised. May your soul rest in the Peace of the Lord in the company of Our Blessed Mother who you loved.